Remus Lupin's Giant List of Excuses
by RiverGold
Summary: A list that Remus composed of reasons to tell his friends he was gone on full moons. It probably will not be a oneshot, but it really depends. Because lists are not permited, I added some 3rd person narrating as well. No pairings, no warnings.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I wrote this because I was sick and tired of reading marauders stories where Remus says "my mum is sick," _every single month_, and James and Sirius say "Oh that's nice, hope she gets better soon" every_ single month. _ I have not yet read a story that uses an original excuse. So I compiled this list, and added a paragraph of story at the bottom to make it more interesting. And I'm going to stop my rant now, before there's more authors' note than story.

Disclaimer: Do I need to do this? I know I don't own it, you know I don't own it, everybody peace out. How many lawyers are there hanging around waiting to pounce on every teenager who forgets a disclaimer anyways?

Remus Lupin's Giant List of Excuses

As Follows:

1. Mother is ill. This can be used quite frequently, but be careful not to use it to often - How often can one's mother become sick?

2. Grandmother ill. Once or twice, stretching to three if necessary. Preferably in a row. Do not use directly after any other death or illness.

3. Grandfather ill - See Grandmother.

4. Grandmother died. Max twice. One only has so many grandmothers. Do not use directly after any other illness or death.

5. Grandfather died. See Grandmother.

6. Aunt Had a Baby. This can be used no more than once a year. Unless I make up more than one aunt. Perhaps an uncle? Even so, use judiciously.

7. Father got out of jail. Do not ever, ever, ever use this. Let it be on the record that I am incredibly sleep deprived. Let it also be on the record that my father has never broken any laws whatsoever. One might even go so far as to call him obsessive.

8. Obscure Holiday. Cite a rarely used or entirely made up holiday that your family celebrates. They insist that you be home with them. Not to be used to often. Only 9 months in a school year. Thank goodness.

9. Werewolf attack on a family member- wouldn't be the first time. Only to be used in extreme circumstances

10. Tell the truth- not an option. I promised. And I'm cowardly. They would hate me.

11. I got sick and my parents wanted me to come home for a little while. Not to often. Never use any of these to often. They might get suspicious.

12. I'm a vampire, and Buffy almost got me. Not a good option. They don't do muggle pop culture.

13. Later… I don't feel good. This might actually work for a time, if I distract them and put memory charms on them while they're not looking. So, no. They'll just be more curious.

14. I saw a grim and fainted and no body found my cold shivering body for days. No- they'd just come looking for me the next time I went missing.

15. The whomping willow clobbered me. I am becoming increasingly desperate. Perhaps I should put this aside and go to sleep.

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Remus sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. It was late. He had completed his homework hours ago and had gone on to begin "Remus Lupin's Giant List of Excuses" He had run through death, and illnesses and had run into a roadblock as his sarcastic side hit full force. 'No more tonight.' He promised himself. He looked about for a suitable place to hide this list. His dorm-mates were insatiably curious and it would be disastrous if they read it. His eye landed on the top of Sirius's hangings. It was above eye level, and, as he stood on tiptoe to peer at it, covered in candy wrappers, and screwed up bits of parchment. He also recognized one of Peter's Chudley Cannon socks. Remus had spent quite a while helping Peter look for it, but he had never thought to look up here. He crumpled it in his fist, and tossed it up, then hurriedly checked that Sirius had not happened to notice. He wasn't even in bed. Off wandering, indubitably. James was probably with him. Better to be asleep before they came back.

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End Chapter 1

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AN: Anyone have any ideas to add to the list? I have a few more, but not enough to really merit another chapter. Drop a line if you have any. Or just drop a line.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two_

Remus retrieved the list with anther sigh. The more he knew his friends, the more he knew they would discover his secret. And then they would hate him. And he knew he could not bear that. He could hardly bear the thought. He knew it was not healthy to become so attached to these boys, but he could not seem to push them away. So he was back to work on the list. The next full moon was the very next day, and he couldn't sleep. He dreaded each full moon. He dreaded the terrible pain, the hours of oblivion, and the horrible wakening to yet more pain. He hated what he became. And he dreaded that someday his best friends, his only friends, would hate him to, and rightly so. So he had a list to write.

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16. Mother hurt herself. Dad is away on business, so I had to go take care of her for a couple days. Once or twice. Once being better than twice.

17. It's my great-grandfather's one-hundredth birthday. This one might be true if he hadn't died years ago. This cannot, for obvious reasons be used more than once. Unless I pretend my great-grandmother was still alive as well.

18. My cousin is visiting from a far away country for the first time in twenty years. My Aunt put her first baby up for adoption, and now he's come back to find his family and he wants to meet me. His name could be Elric Earlson. I always wanted to be named Elric when I was a kid. This, again, will only work once.

19. I'm a spy for the ministry and must go on a super-secret mission that I can't tell anyone about. This won't work to well. They'll be even more curious, and start following me around to see where I'm going. It would be funny though. I don't think I could keep a straight face through telling them that.

20. My cousin is giving a charity aid concert and I have to be there. Hardly likely, and I can only invent so many cousins. Maybe my Uncle. Or something.

21.Marriage. (Mawwidge, if you're a Princess Bride) My Aunt and Uncle (Preferably before the baby), Cousins, whatever. Hardly likely to happen often, but I can milk it for all it's worth.

22. My birthday. My overly clingy parents wanted me home for me birthday. This is quite plausible. My parents are quite clingy, and my birthday falls on a full moon this year.

23. I fell asleep in the library late last night. This maybe, maybe might work, if they're not paying attention. However it's not terribly likely.

24. My parents are moving, and they need me to help move things because my dad has a bad back or mum is still recovering from her illness/injury

25. …This list thing is harder than it looks. I'm flat out of ideas. I don't have nearly enough to last me seven years. But I'm not going to stop until I do. I can't stop until I do.

26. I've been staring at this list with out writing anything for the past 15 minutes. Time to go to bed. I meant to get to 30 tonight, but enough is enough.

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A/N I honest to goodness meant to have this up last week, but RL has a nasty habit of getting in the way, and, like Remus, I'm flat out of ideas.

I apologize for any mistakes. I do send this on to a friend, but I don't think she even bothers to read it.

Thanks so much to every one who reviewed, and even if you didn't..

This is probably the last or second to last chapter. I may do another short one to tie up the ends, but at the moment, I am lacking in motivation.

Disclaimer-is in the first chapter.


End file.
